i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
