I wish I could teleport
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
