am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
