I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
