Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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