bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
