Buhtt sex?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
