you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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