Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
