If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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