i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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