you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
