You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Randomize
