If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
only you would photoshop your dick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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