i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
