he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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