my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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