put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
