If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
