Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
