I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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