went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
