Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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