Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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