When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
