Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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