OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
