highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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