That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
