Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
