Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
