My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she woke up with a sticky ear
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
