she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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