True but thats because hes a fetus.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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