How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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