she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
