NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize