I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
