The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
