There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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