Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
