there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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