where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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