So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
