I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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