Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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