Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
