i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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