Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
cat food counts as protein by the way
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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