I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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