Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
