I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am available for nakedness
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
