If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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