Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just googled if crying burns calories
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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