Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
