Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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