I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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