arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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