life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
