you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
