im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have aggressive nipples.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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