my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
