She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize