Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
