this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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