Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
