look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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