my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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