Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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