I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
